The Yes Habit – Why it’s draining
“Yes” with a smile feels positive and affirming, is often light, appreciated, and even needed. For an individual who says yes often, yes is a habit. It is a habit arising from the people-pleasing attitude that they have developed over the years. Saying ‘yes’ represents the need to be desired and included. It may feel good to be altruistic, able and independent, but unfortunately it is also a liability. More often than not, the yes is not truly for oneself but only to make others happy. Learning how to set healthy boundaries starts with recognising this pattern and understanding why always saying yes can harm your mental health. It becomes draining when done out of obligation or the tendency to please rather than a choice. They take on too many responsibilities, agree to plans too easily, compromise habitually, and eventually are crushed by the pressure and expectations that they have associated with Yes. In the long run, leads to resentment of people who depend on them. It creates a drift in relationships simply because they are unable to say no. It causes anxiety and stress that deteriorates performance and ultimately leads to physical, mental and social burnout.
Why saying No Matters for Boundaries and Mental Health
One of the most celebrated words in a collective culture like ours is “yes.” It’s almost synonymous with kindness. The highest level of compliance, whether towards things you don’t care about, situations that drain your energy, or moments that make you uncomfortable, is often rewarded. Coming from a culture that idealizes doing more and being more, more available, more helpful, more “yes”- it is easy to see why the word “no” can be seen with negativity. But really, the word “no” is a hidden superpower : a soft boundary that protects our peace, sanity, and self. Saying “no” comes with guilt, rejection, remorse, or even a sense of betrayal. It feels “wrong.”
But what if you did say no?
No to staying back to work after office hours because some “important work came up”, no to lending money when you know they’re not one to pay you back? Saying No to attending family events out of pure obligation, answering every late-night text, or parties where you don’t feel belonged? No to being the “go-to” person for everyone’s problems when you’re already stretched too thin?
The Hidden Superpower of Boundaries
Maintaining a personal boundary is a concept that is quite overlooked and misunderstood. Saying no is the beginning of respecting your own personal space. This doesn’t make you look rude but self aware of your own priorities. Boundaries prevent burnout and overwhelm, while creating space for your mind to rest and recover. It’s usually seen as shutting people out, when in fact it’s the opposite. Boundaries aren’t walls. They’re bridges to healthier relationships. Boundaries are like the invisible lines that protect our time, energy emotional and mental wellbeing. This may look like saying no to extra work tasks when your plate is already full, turning down special plans when you need rest, letting a call go unanswered because you’re resting, or setting limits when you’re helping out others so you don’t drain yourself. It can also mean communicating clearly with family members about what responsibilities you can and cannot take on such as not being able to manage household conflicts. Remember, you can’t pout from an empty cup. This is why mental health professionals continuously reference boundaries and limits to reduce stress and prevent emotional exhaustion.
Practical Ways to Set Boundaries for Mental Health
Practical ways of creating boundaries include starting small by learning how to say “no” in low-stake situations, using “Yes, but..”, responses. “Yes, I would love to help, only for an hour though”, or redirecting tasks to others when you cannot take them on. Choosing yourself isn’t selfish – it’s self care. For the Gen Zs, boundaries feel even harder to draw. FOMO convinces us to say yes to every plan, even when we’re exhausted. In the digital space, being constantly “available” has blurred lines further. So how do we actually go about saying “no” to people? Building boundaries begins with tuning into your own comfort and limits, then understanding how to express them while being polite and clear. Each “no” will eventually turn into a means to a good end. A way of preserving your energy and respecting your mental health and well-being.
The Soft No : Protecting Mental Health Through Boundaries
The power of boundaries lies in their softness. Harsh ultimatums aren’t needed; gentle refusals that still carry respect are the way to go. It can be as soft and simple as, “I’d love to, but I don’t have the energy for it right now,” or, “I’ll get back to you tomorrow.” Letting a friend know that you’ve had quite the week and aren’t up for a night out but would like to catch up this weekend. Or telling a manager that you won’t be able to take the new project on but still would support in small, yet meaningful ways.
Choosing Yourself, Alongside Others
Boundaries are not about choosing yourself over others, but about choosing yourself alongside them. It’s choosing yourself, while also respecting others around you. When we practice this, relationships don’t weaken, they grow stronger, their roots lie in honesty instead of silent resentment. Saying no, in its softest form is saying yes to to healthier connections, deeper respect, and most importantly, to yourself. Each “no” creates space for deeper rest, more clear and authentic connections, your way and in your time.